Hello from Sunny California…

At least the weather is warm and sunny, otherwise, I think I’d crawl back into bed and stay there…I never feel like that. But, I’m having a very bad day. So many things that have happened recently, have all mounted up and I’m feeling pretty emotional. Downright sad, really! So, the eternal question of “What the hell are we doing here???”

Over the holidays, a friend of my sister and of mine disappeared. He had been married to another friend of my sister (some helpless female who I never really liked too much) and they had 2 kids. She left Rick (our friend) several years ago for another man and moved to St Louis with the kids. He still lived in Hollywood. My sister was going to invite him for Christmas dinner when she was here, but we got busy with things and didn’t end up doing it. Well, we found out after the holidays were over that he had abandoned his house in Hollywood and drove a van down to Baja, Mexico. At first we heard he had died in a diving accident (a story to protect his kids, I guess), but last week when I was in Chicago my sister texted me with the real story. He had abandoned his house (financial problems) and he had driven to Baja and he commited suicide. His body had washed up onto the beach and there was a “note” left in his van. I guess to say we were both shocked is an understatement. I don’t know what else to say about this, except what a waste of a life and a good man. We have the same birthday, September 3…He was a few years older than me.

Now, another friend of mine, a very talented and successful director, is dying in Cedar Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles. None of the doctors kind find what is wrong with him. He has an oversize spleen which is pushing against his other organs and he went into a coma yesterday. His wife and his parents have been with him for the past 3 days, sleeping in his room. There is little hope that the doctors can help him….He is only 44 years old.

My Croatian friend, Sandra, had a bad 3 car accident today. She’s ok but extremely stressed. She was upset about Elijas (our friend in the hospital) and she was on the cell phone to his wife…Thank god she is not injured and nobody else was injured.

People and animals are dying, sick and suffering everyday. Why are we here? I know I’ve asked this question before…and who hasn’t? I feel like, maybe, we are just some kind of game for a “higher being”, if there is a “higher being”. We play war games, power games, love games, sports games. Everything is a game. Some of us are bad, some are good and some are indifferent. Some struggle for balance. Some are rich. Some are poor. Some are strong and some are weak. Some go through life just stepping on others in their struggle for wealth! (We’ve certainly seen that recently in this financial crisis that is stressing the entire world out!) So why??? We are all on the same path through life that ends in death…and we seem to stumble through this journey. Why? The outcome is the same at the end of the day…for everyone, right? I guess it’s the journey that counts. How you play that deck of cards that was dealt to you? By that “higher power”….

I, actually, feel guilty that I’m feeling so dark and twisted today. I just get angry over injustices in the world. I am upset that life is just so unfair. I feel guilty because my own little life is ok, really. I have a small cabin like house at the bottom of the Hollywood Hills and so far I’m able to keep up with my mortgage payments. I’ve had to rent out my spare bedroom in order to do that, but you do what you have to. My roomate is nice and helpful with my dogs when I travel which I have to do in order to pay the bills. But, luckily, I love to travel and to wrestle and to see some of my favourite people who do sessions with me…So it’s all good, I guess. I try to give to charities and to help as much as I can to bring some balance into the world. I guess that’s all we can do…Right? So I’ll change the subject now…

OK…On a different note…tomorrow I will be wrestling with Sybil Star and Ariel X (competitive matches and no doubt, very sexy matches) for We Bring It Productions. That should be a lot of fun.

I had wanted to try to set up a competitive match against Nadege from Belgium while I’m in Paris but I seem to have upset someone in the process. I guess I stepped on some toes and didn’t realize that I was doing it. So Nadege and I will either do it in late May or June (in Paris) or she can come here to Los Angeles…Either way, I’ll be looking for sponsorships to make it happen! Funny, even my sponsored matches seem to upset some people, even though, everyone who has ever sponsored a match seems very happy with the product and dvds they receive. I have not received anything but wonderful praise from the past sponsors…so maybe the angry voices complaining about “sponsored matches” are those of jealous rivals? Who knows? All I know is that it will be an AWESOME MATCH!!! Nadege beat me in 2002 at my live event and it was a great and very close match. I would love a rematch. I have huge respect for her as a wrestler and want another chance to do better this time…

On that note, I have decided to give up competitive wrestling at the end of this year. Don’t worry, I’ll keep doing sessions with those of you who like me as long as you want me…You guys have made my life very special and I thank you for that.

Sorry about the dark diary entry…I’m going to the boxing gym now and then running my doggies in the canyon. That always clears my head and I see the beauty in life when I am there… alone with my dogs.

Funny, I can’t help but wonder, if my sister and I would have made that call to invite Rick over to Christmas dinner, would he still be alive?

Peace and Love,

Robin xxx